What the hell am I doing up at 9am on a day off! I am working nights from tomorrow so I should in in damn bed!

I am busy backing up the computer, burning everything onto DVD pausing every 25 minutes to change the disc.

Well as far as I know, I am still off-track at work. Hopefully today I will get a phone call with a date for my formal interview and telling off and to be honest with you, I am getting bored now, not being able to go out, not being able to work trains and talk to punters... I'm getting very bored.

Not much has happened this weekend, I spent most of it tidying the house or slumped in from of the TV, yesterday I went out to the radio station to do my shows, but other than that not much happened. Tonight I have a committee meeting, which will be..... er..... interesting, if not humourous (I am asking for £60 for a bit of kit.... the answer will be no) and our Treasurer has tabled 4 proposals... none of which we know about.

Oh well... such joy.

There are times when I feel okay... times where I feel bad... at the moment I feel like I am going to get sacked.

News got out today that a guard who committed a similar cock-up at work was fired. He opened too many doors at a station... well he didn't he was still trying to rectify his error walking through the train before opening the doors, but the doors opened so its meant to be his fault.

He got his P45.

One of my own depot colleagues is also getting worried. He has had his formal interview and has now been suspended pending a second formal interview and possible disciplinary. He thinks that it is time for the boot to come out for him too.

On the plus side for my incident, I did not put any passengers in danger, I merely risked my own safety and thankfully I prevented myself from putting myself beyond the danger level.

I think at the end of the day I could get a new job easy enough. I have enough experience in a number of different customer facing industries, but I won't get the money that I am on now, that would be difficult. The one thing I will miss though is not being able to see Sarah, beaming with a smile and throwing the insults before I even step foot on the platform. Regardless of the situation, I love her to bits and even though I doubt she realises it, there will always be a special place in my heart for her.

I now understand how barneyrulz feels when she says that words can not express the way one can feel (unless you count "like a drunken leering perv" but that is only when I have that one too many ). Partly I feel like REM's Everybody Hurts and partly like Bridge Over Troubled Water... was that Simon and Garfunkel?

Sometimes I never know what I m let alone how I feel.... anyone got the valium?

I am getting so bored at work. I am still not allowed to work after my last cock-up and I am awaiting a formal interview and bollocking!

So I went out and about today and saw the worst thing I could see, my "little redhead" hand in hand with one of her colleagues. I was mortified, but not surprised.

Well that kinda knocks that ideal out of my head, I am not about to go and declare my heart for her when she is obviously now seeing someone else. I wish I could be open wih her about it. I wish I could tell her how I feel.

Now I am alone.... again.... nothing to look forward to.

On the plus side of course, I have been busy at the radio station this week. Sunday I had to put a new processor fan into a computer, yesterday I re-installed a CD deck that has come back fixed, and today I had to re-licence the automated playout software on the computer I fixed Sunday cos it screwed it up.

Well its time for me to leave now.... I gotta be back up at 05.30 so I had better get some sleep.....

TTFN

I am still bored. I am sat at work, right now, doing nothing. There is nothing I can do while I have a revoked Train Working License, apart from take mail around the network there is not a lot I can do.

I spent most of yesterday fixing a computer fan that decided to stop working.. I can not understand why a computer cuts out at 75degrees.. The second computer is also running at a not so healthy 55 so I think that offer changing as well!

I always wonder what will happen if PatientLine shuts down. They are our only way of transmission to the patients, and no-one is prepared to look at investing on going back to Medium Wave or Internet Broadcasting. Do they not realise that we are going to die by relying on a single source?

Well i am going to in now.. a pot of tea is on the brew.. what a way to get paid!

Wow I went like the clappers last night. I visited quite a few establishments and had quite a few beers, I really think I should cut down on how much I drink. I noticed something last night though which was weird. I went to the (free) cashpoint in the middle of town and it had run out of £10's. So I took out £40 instead of £30. Later in the evening I was running short, so I went to get another £30 out... No £10s available (this was a different cashpoint). After that we went to three more bars and I looked at their ATMs. Not one had £10 notes in.

This is a CONSPIRACY to get us to spend more!

No... really!

Not much really happened last night though. I asked a few young ladies to dance, and got turned down. Got chatting to one quite petite young lass (not really my type... petite... as creul as it sounds I like a lass witha  "bit of meat") and she was only chatting to me to get at my mate....

Harsh!

Anyway its 11am, time to grab another beer! TTFN

I can't believe its been 4 weeks since my last long weekend. So much has changed and not all for the good, sometimes I can not work out the logic from the lame, the senile to the insane.

I still sit here, alone with my cats, no-one wanting to be by my side. Who can blame them? Here I am, a 25 year old fat man, up to the eyeballs in debt and with just two cats for company... Yeah.... Great...

I was reading a blog earlier about a young lady who was concerned about her sexuality, it was nice when I was young enough to be worried about that, sometimes I would be happy to be bi if it gave me a chance of finding someone, but even the most desperate of dodgy old men probably would not touch me with a 6 foot barge-pole...

6-foot barge-pole, what a weird saying as obviously it is hard to barge anything with one as it is too long to control enough to do that.

Oh well, I suppose I had better head down to the dry cleaners. My work stuff is there waiting, and I am on early on Monday.

Well another 10 hour day turned into 2 hours thanks to a bit of work that I did for my foreman.

So with 5 hours unitl I book off, I am sat in front of the computer having both been shopping and to the dry cleaners! With a beer on my right and a mouse in my left....

I love screwing up!

I spent my working day yesterday sat around, doing nothing, not even waiting for something to happen.

I knew that what ever went wrong, I could go out and cover a train, work a service or even dispatch a train from the platform. Thankfully someone had buggered up the fruit machine, so I could not spend any money on that, but the endless cans of diet coke, and occasional visit to the depot "tuck shop" soon had me wondering just how much money I had spent.

So today instead of 6 I have 10 hours to do. I can see me cleaning ticket machines, scratching my derriere and maybe, just maybe they will have a piece of mail for me to take somewhere (I am allow to travel on the trains you see... just not work them).

I am taking my Laptop, my copy of SAM Broadcaster and a load of music so I can at least do something constructive... Or not.

Well I had better hop to it. All ido at the moment is work, so Ihave nothing really to report.

I buggered it up well and truly tonight.

I really cock things up at work at a time when the safety of our passengers is THE thing. Actually technically I only put myself at risk of injury, but it is still a "wrong-side error" as in the wrong side of good.....

I spent two hours waiting for the medscreen kits to get to me, so i could blow a breath test (a ZERO reading for Alcohol, but I knew that already) and a piss test. Now I got to wait for up to 10 days to see if they find anything in that, and I have an official interview with the hob-nobs and the like.

So I have had my licence to work trains revoked on a temporary basis. I can not go out and work trains, I can not do anything related to trains, all I can do is sit in the depot and potter about finding something to do.

The most severe punishment I can get is being Fired, although given my good record I should get away with a severe reprimand. Had someone have got hurt as a result of my momentary oversight I could have got a pair of cuffs over my wrists, thankfully though, it was impossible to do that.

So now I sit.... and wait....

I will be glad when I can finally get out of this job. It does not matter what you do, who you say it to, or even if you do anything at all, its wrong.

Its been one of those rush around doing things day today....

So now I got dinner in the oven, WWE Raw on the computer screen (behind blog.co.uk) and a bin liner full of clean clothes to iron..... TTFN!

Its been few days I know, and work has been long but quiet to be honest. With Basingstoke closed for railway resignalling and most of my work being in the Winchester area, I have seen a few handfuls of passengers and thats about it. The days are starting to drag though, especially as the enforced overtime means I am working 50 hour weeks on a regular basis.

Well I am off to bed soon... still sharing the bed with the cats and no-one else.

TTFN

.... except me, I am sat in bed (naked of course) with a can of beer and the laptop.... Can I sleep? No chance!

Unfortunatly no police where there when we arrived at the next station, so all he did was walk away.... the staff even had the gate open ready for him!

Yet another busy day in store for me as at 8am I was walking through the door of my local Skoda dealership for my cars 20,000 mile service. I don't mind the £200 bill if it keeps my warranty in place!

"Oh and how are you going to pay?"
"Errr Probably my AMEX card"
"Sorry sir we don't take AMEX... everything but AMEX."

Why?

I am currently in the middle of writing repots and doing paperwork for Hospital Radio. Its a committee meeting tonight and I have to convince them to give me £3k in order to purchase an audio-logger so we know exactly what people are playing to the patients! I don't fancy the chances of people having the option of BBC or Hardcore Rock!

Well. I am about to go grab a beer to keep my hopes high of getting £3k. If I do get it, then next step is world domination.

I never have a day off to myself, but at the same time I rarely feel fulfilled. Today I did two 1 hour shows at the radio station, but really wasn't bothered whether I completed the second hour or not.

I am slowly getting more and more depressed, I am not bothered with work anymore, I am not bothered with living alone anymore, I am not bothered with the whos whys and wherefores.

I will probably write some more later, but I am watching Wedding Belles on C4 at the moment, wish I had some beer though.

Why is it that computers always do the stupid things at the wrong times. I rely on my desktop sharing some its files to my Lappy. It was working all fine then one day it stops working.... No reason, no changes, it just stops sharing.