There are times when I feel okay... times where I feel bad... at the moment I feel like I am going to get sacked.
News got out today that a guard who committed a similar cock-up at work was fired. He opened too many doors at a station... well he didn't he was still trying to rectify his error walking through the train before opening the doors, but the doors opened so its meant to be his fault.
He got his P45.
One of my own depot colleagues is also getting worried. He has had his formal interview and has now been suspended pending a second formal interview and possible disciplinary. He thinks that it is time for the boot to come out for him too.
On the plus side for my incident, I did not put any passengers in danger, I merely risked my own safety and thankfully I prevented myself from putting myself beyond the danger level.
I think at the end of the day I could get a new job easy enough. I have enough experience in a number of different customer facing industries, but I won't get the money that I am on now, that would be difficult. The one thing I will miss though is not being able to see Sarah, beaming with a smile and throwing the insults before I even step foot on the platform. Regardless of the situation, I love her to bits and even though I doubt she realises it, there will always be a special place in my heart for her.
I now understand how barneyrulz feels when she says that words can not express the way one can feel (unless you count "like a drunken leering perv" but that is only when I have that one too many 
). Partly I feel like REM's Everybody Hurts and partly like Bridge Over Troubled Water... was that Simon and Garfunkel?
Sometimes I never know what I m let alone how I feel.... anyone got the valium?
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